The Republican party is honored to announce the 2012 election ticket: presidential nominee Jamie Kincaid and running mate Edward Cullen. The battle was hard-fought, with a certain avian write-in candidate flying very close to the top spot. And don’t count out Janie Gibbs for a run in 2016 — BOOM! Below, Mr. Kincaid and Mr. Cullen accept their nominations.
Gosh, I’m happy to accept the presidential nomination. I’ve been called a pinchpenny and a cheapskate, but fiscal accountability is the secret to my personal success. I think we can all agree there’s no place for extravagance in our nation’s finances — it’s our money we’re spending, and right now moderation is what we need the most. My administration will put an end to the baloney happening in the American economy today. Kincaid/Cullen 2012!
— Republican presidential nominee Jamie Kincaid,
From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler
In all my centuries, never before have I seen a society that has so lost its way. What is now required is the firm hand of guidance that only an abstemious vampire can provide. As your vice president, I will not rest (not that I need to) until America has been ridden of vice.
— Republican vice presidential nominee Edward Cullen,