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This just in: Republican candidate Kincaid nudity scandal!

Republican presidential candidate Jamie Kincaid addresses accusations of public indecency: “By now, you’ve probably seen that picture of me in the fountain. (If not, don’t look at chapter 5 in the exposé E. L. Konigsburg wrote about me and my sister.) Okay, sure, I was naked. But, come on, how do you take a bath? Talks […]

KidLit Election 2012: Republican primary results are in!

The Republican party is honored to announce the 2012 election ticket: presidential nominee Jamie Kincaid and running mate Edward Cullen. The battle was hard-fought, with a certain avian write-in candidate flying very close to the top spot. And don’t count out Janie Gibbs for a run in 2016 — BOOM! Below, Mr. Kincaid and Mr. […]

A message from Janie Gibbs, Republican presidential candidate

My presidential candidacy can be summed up in one word: boom! Most politicians are liars and, as my friend Harriet would say, finks, but I’m here to blow the lid off government by taking a hard line against parents, phonies, and forced participation in dance class. I’m a scientist, but not one of those do-gooder […]

A message from The Pigeon, Republican presidential candidate

  Right now Washington politics is for the birds! No one there can agree on anything. Nothing EVER gets accomplished. And pige— I mean, people don’t get what they want! In the past, I’ve been a victim of this injustice. I’ve lived on the streets and known hardship. But I’m no longer willing to sit […]

A message from Jamie Kincaid, Republican presidential candidate

I may be rich, but I know the importance of fiscal responsibility. I got where I am today by scrimping and saving — my allowance, birthday money, Christmas money, occasional gambling winnings… It’s undecent for our government to spend taxpayers’ hard-earned money willy-nilly on extravagances like hot fudge sundaes and welfare programs. As a nation […]

A message from Edward Cullen, Republican presidential candidate

You talk about your freedom, your independence, but I know what you really want: protection. Not just from the random cars and predators that dog your path, but from your own weak self and unholy cravings. I will always be with you. My voice, my hypnotic eyes, the magnetic force of my personality — all […]