Republican presidential candidate Jamie Kincaid addresses accusations of public indecency:

“By now, you’ve probably seen that picture of me in the fountain. (If not, don’t look at chapter 5 in the exposé E. L. Konigsburg wrote about me and my sister.) Okay, sure, I was naked. But, come on, how do you take a bath? Talks of exhibitionism are pure baloney. I was in that fountain to get myself clean and wrangle up some cash. I’m a self-made man, don’t forget. And every man who bares his soul for freedom must also, sometimes, bare his bottom.”

For more on the Horn Book KidLit Election, click the tag KidLit Election 2012. Coming soon: Third-party candidates and debates!

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Gosh, I’m happy to accept the presidential nomination. I’ve been called a pinchpenny and a cheapskate, but fiscal accountability is the secret to my personal success. I think we can all agree there’s no place for extravagance in our nation’s finances — it’s our money we’re spending, and right now moderation is what we need the most. My administration will put an end to the baloney happening in the American economy today. Kincaid/Cullen 2012!

— Republican presidential nominee Jamie Kincaid,
From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler

In all my centuries, never before have I seen a society that has so lost its way. What is now required is the firm hand of guidance that only an abstemious vampire can provide. As your vice president, I will not rest (not that I need to) until America has been ridden of vice.

— Republican vice presidential nominee Edward Cullen,
Twilight series

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My presidential candidacy can be summed up in one word: boom! Most politicians are liars and, as my friend Harriet would say, finks, but I’m here to blow the lid off government by taking a hard line against parents, phonies, and forced participation in dance class. I’m a scientist, but not one of those do-gooder types; I say mix chemicals first, ask questions later. Any traitors or spies in my administration will be dealt with accordingly.

— Janie Gibbs,
Harriet the Spy

This post is part of our ongoing Horn Book KidLit Election 2012 coverage. This week, Republican candidates present their platforms; polls will open for the Republican ballot Thursday, August 30^th, and close at noon on Friday, August 31^st. Look for our announcement of the winning Republican presidential candidate and his or her running mate Friday afternoon. Beginning next Tuesday, September 4^th, the Democrats will have their say. Click on the tag KidLit Election 2012 to see all posts.

The post A message from Janie Gibbs, Republican presidential candidate appeared first on The Horn Book.

Right now Washington politics is for the birds! No one there can agree on anything. Nothing EVER gets accomplished. And pige— I mean, people don’t get what they want! In the past, I’ve been a victim of this injustice. I’ve lived on the streets and known hardship. But I’m no longer willing to sit back on my tail feathers; it’s time to take a stand. Individuals should get what they ask for! I’ll protect rights! I won’t back down in the face of partisan pressure! I won’t take “NO” for an answer! I’ll make it happen! THE PIGEON WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!

For the sake of the unity of the party that made this country great, I am withdrawing my candidacy. The fact that Edward Cullen has demanded a copy of my long-form birth certificate means nothing. NOTHING. PIGEONS DON’T HAVE BIRTH CERTIFICATES YOU FREAK OF NATURE!!!

— The Pigeon

This post is part of our ongoing Horn Book KidLit Election 2012 coverage. This week, Republican candidates present their platforms; polls will open for the Republican ballot Thursday, August 30^th, and close at noon on Friday, August 31^st. Look for our announcement of the winning Republican presidential candidate and his or her running mate Friday afternoon. Beginning next Tuesday, September 4^th, the Democrats will have their say. Click on the tag KidLit Election 2012 to see all posts.

The post A message from The Pigeon, Republican presidential candidate appeared first on The Horn Book.

I may be rich, but I know the importance of fiscal responsibility. I got where I am today by scrimping and saving — my allowance, birthday money, Christmas money, occasional gambling winnings… It’s undecent for our government to spend taxpayers’ hard-earned money willy-nilly on extravagances like hot fudge sundaes and welfare programs. As a nation we need to learn the value of saving our pennies.

— Jamie Kincaid,
From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler

This post is part of our ongoing Horn Book KidLit Election 2012 coverage. This week, Republican candidates present their platforms; polls will open for the Republican ballot Thursday, August 30^th, and close at noon on Friday, August 31^st. Look for our announcement of the winning Republican presidential candidate and his or her running mate Friday afternoon. Beginning next Tuesday, September 4^th, the Democrats will have their say. Click on the tag KidLit Election 2012 to see all posts.

The post A message from Jamie Kincaid, Republican presidential candidate appeared first on The Horn Book.

You talk about your freedom, your independence, but I know what you really want: protection. Not just from the random cars and predators that dog your path, but from your own weak self and unholy cravings. I will always be with you. My voice, my hypnotic eyes, the magnetic force of my personality — all yours, forever.

— Edward Cullen,
the Twilight series

This post is part of our ongoing Horn Book KidLit Election 2012 coverage. This week, Republican candidates present their platforms; polls will open for the Republican ballot Thursday, August 30^th, and close at noon on Friday, August 31^st. Look for our announcement of the winning Republican presidential candidate and his or her running mate Friday afternoon. Beginning next Tuesday, September 4^th, the Democrats will have their say. Click on the tag KidLit Election 2012 to see all posts.

The post A message from Edward Cullen, Republican presidential candidate appeared first on The Horn Book.