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Five questions for the VP candidates: the KidLit Election 2012 vice presidential debate

Horn Book KidLit Elections 2012, Candidates for Vice PresidentHorn Book editor in chief Roger Sutton moderates a debate between Mr. Octavian Nothing, the Democratic vice presidential candidate, and Mr. Edward Cullen, the Republican vice presidential candidate.

1. Both of you come from somewhat…unusual backgrounds. Do you feel like the average voter can relate to you?

Octavian: One doesn’t have to be an erudite, highly educated, violin-playing, smallpox-contracting, Revolutionary War-fighting descendent of slaves to have walked in my shoes. But it helps.

Edward: I was human once, too, and I remember what it is like. I may be immortal, have sparkly skin, possess superhuman strength and speed, and read minds — it doesn’t mean I can’t relate to human voters and they to me. (My wife was pretty average when we first met, don’t forget.)

2. Are you a supporter of the new Common Core standards in public education?

Octavian: Under Dr. Trefusis’s esteemed tutelage, my schooling was anything but common. The conviction that the publick has an inalienable right to high-quality education runs throughout my very core. And yet: my pragmatic nature disallows me to speculate on the worth of these standards so-called Common Core. Only time, that most elusive of creatures, will tell.

Edward: I’m familiar with many different educational systems used throughout the world — I should be, having passed through so many of them over the last century or so. It’s difficult to tell what will last and what is a passing fad. But I’m for trying any new approach that may help our young people get the most out of their educations.

3. Boxers or briefs?

Octavian: Mr. Sutton, I presume this vulgar question addresses the status of my unmentionables. The cut of my underclothing has no bearing on the stature of my character.

Edward: Commando. I can’t be distracted by bunching or twisting while I’m tracking down and beating up the bad guys.

4. What do you bring to the ticket that your presidential candidate does not?

Octavian: Nothing if not life expectancy.

Edward: Ditto.

5. In the event that you are required to assume the office of POTUS, how can you reassure the citizens that they will be able to sleep soundly at night?

Octavian: I have slept soundly ‘neath silken sheets and soft-spun linens atop beds in the most splendid abodes of the Colonies. And, yea, I have laid my head direct on the rocky ground, falling deep and grateful into the hard-fought slumber enjoyed by righteous and just men…

A thousand pardons; pray, repeat the question?

Edward: I don’t sleep. I’ll be vigilantly protecting the country through every day and night. Forever.

For more on the Horn Book KidLit Election, click the tag KidLit Election 2012. Coming soon: the presidential debate!

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