Ask Rapunzel: A cave of one’s own

rapunzel Ask Rapunzel: A cave of ones ownCursed, hexed, or just plain vexed? Ask Rapunzel! She can untangle any fairy-tale dilemma.

 

My wife is a heck of a gal and the best thing that’s ever happened to me. We’ve moved into her castle, since I was living in the woods when we met. But, I gotta tell ya, between the doll collection, the fluffy lace, and all the pink everywhere you look, it’s too damn ladylike in here! I’m about to punch my head through a wall to regain my masculinity. How do I tell her I feel like I’m living in a whore’s boudoir?

—Bull in a Frilly China Shop

 

Dear Bull: This is a problem many new royals face and it can be a sticky one. As traditional princesses have been prized for their youth, docility, and femininity (as often evidenced by the tiny stitching in their needlework, downcast eyes, and firmly shut yaps), many of them, once married, show a surprising streak of red-hot iron in their spines when asked to reconsider their choices in home décor. They also have an army, and sometimes even a dragon or two, to reinforce their desire to hang on to their china ballerinas or stuffed penguins.

You, sir, are in need of a Man Cave! Rather than telling your wife to give up one of her parlors or precious dollhouse rooms, may I suggest you look at your castle’s dungeons? They are generally rustic, easy to sluice out, commodious, and virtually soundproof. Throw a sectional down there, a fridge, and all of your electronics. No matter how many speakers you blow out, or how badly the Seven Dwarves are playing, you and your pals won’t disturb the tea party that is being held upstairs! Good luck!

 

Don’t miss any of Rapunzel’s fantastic advice! Click on the tag Ask Rapunzel to read all of her columns. For conflicts requiring legal mediation, Rapunzel recommends Judge Judy, the fairest judge in storybook land.

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Elizabeth Thomas About Elizabeth Thomas

Elizabeth Thomas has an MFA from Hamline University in Writing for Children & Young Adults. She lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

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