
William Steig
Letter to Paul Heins (May 10,1970)
May 10, ’70
Dear Mr. Heins,
Bob Kraus just read your letter
to me (the one about my Caldecott acceptance speech) over the
phone. I’m afraid now that in addition to having to make
a speech, which for me will be like walking on red hot embers
& broken glass, I will have the additional burden of feeling
that my speech will leave people dissatisfied & make me seem
both ungracious & ungrateful. I sincerely meant what I indicated
in the opening of my speech: I would almost rather die than have
to formally address a group of people larger than two in number.
I’ve successfully avoided doing so for 50 years; I’ve
been depressed ever since January & will not realize happiness
again until after June 30th when my trial is over. I’ve
told this to many people, but no one believes me & I feel
like a character in a Kafka novel. Please believe me when I say
that speaking only a few words will require a superhuman effort
for me; that I can no longer, in my sixties, hope to change my
character; that I am making this effort only out of genuine gratitude;
and also because I worry about my publisher, who could be an innocent
victim of my neurosis.
I want to make more books, books
good enough to win prizes, & I’m hoping that my inability
to make speeches will not hamper my progress.
Sincerely yours
William Steig

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