My Search for the Wrong Title

Four years ago, my editor at Darby Creek Publishing asked if I’d write a proposal “for middle-grade readers — boys, especially, who are often reluctant readers. I’ve got the most brilliant, exciting, and compelling topic.”

“And the topic is . . . ?”

“Balls!” She let the ensuing pause elaborate.

Now, if you’re not giggling, blushing, or snickering, you’re obviously not one of the book’s intended readers. Or you may be that rare individual whose mind, at the first mention of a double entendre, doesn’t roll into the gutter like a little kid’s bowling ball.

Her idea was clean — sporting, in fact: the history of various balls used in popular sports presented with lively, fact-filled, humorous prose, photos, comic illustrations, sidebars, riddles, and lists.

“So it’s a broadly appealing book,” I said, “where balls, rather than individual sports or players, are the stars. I get it.”

“And I’ve already got the perfect title,” she added. “Balls!”

Another pause. “You’re kidding, right?”

She wasn’t. Of course, she did allow that Balls! was our working title, and that we’d be having plenty of conversations as the book developed. We hung up. I set to work on an outline: Have a Ball!

My mind had already wandered off into the awkward and indelicate situations ahead. Days later, I called my editor. “Don’t you think, honestly, that this age group won’t take our book seriously with that title?”

“Send me suggestions,” she offered, “but I think Balls! is the right title. Easy to remember. In a word — in one word! — it captures what the book’s about.”

“How about Having a Ball! or Balls in Play!”

“Not bad. Keep thinking,” she suggested.

Shortly thereafter, I received the contract for “a work entitled Balls!” I signed and returned it with a note suggesting Get the Ball Rolling! or IncrediBALL! I was only slightly relieved knowing that my book would not be titled as part of other successful series: “Eyewitness Balls.” “Look Closer: Balls.” “Balls Uncovered.”

I mailed the first chapter with a book title of Bounce! I also offered Eye on the Ball! and Play Ball! as options, arguing, “You know, I can just see this kid at the librarian’s desk saying, ‘I’d like to check out Michael J. Rosen’s Balls!’”

“I hear what you’re saying,” my editor wrote back. “Yesterday, the publisher greeted me in the hall, ‘I need to talk to you about Balls!’ and the outer office erupted in giggles. Keep thinking.”

Weeks later, cover sketches appeared: in four-inch capital letters, the title announced, Balls! I called my editor, shared my delight at the design, and added, “But what about someone at a bookstore: ‘Do you have Michael J. Rosen’s Balls!?’ That’s what they’ll say, just like that old phone prank where you’d ask if someone has Prince Albert in a can.”

We laughed over that. “How about Toss It! Kick It! Pass It! Whack It!? How about The Dizzying World of Balls?”

“Keep thinking,” she said.

I proposed more titles. Serious as well as ludicrous alternatives — Let’s Go BALListic! and Round Objects You Play With — just hoping to loosen her grip on Balls!

When the printer’s proofs arrived, I knew the game had been lost — or, maybe, won. What can I say? I tried to find the wrong title. Meanwhile, the ball is in your court. How you handle it is your call.

Michael J. Rosen’s Balls! Round 2 will be published next spring by Darby Creek Publishing.