Laura Amy Schlitz

L A U R A :	M A R Y L E E :
A million years [1] it seems since I sent the damned manuscript.	A million years it seems since I’ve seen something this fresh, unique, exciting.
	This is brilliant. Who is this woman?
Why did I listen to those people who said, “You should get these published”? Five rejections I’ve had already! [2]
	Who is this woman? [3] Where did she come from? [4]
	This is brilliant. [5]
Why did I do it? [6]
	But what in the world are we going to do with it? [7]
She said she loved it. [8] What’s taking so long?
	Whatever in the world are we going to do with it? What in the world . . . ? [9]
Finally, a contract!	Finally, I asked [10] and they said Yes!
I’m exhausted.	I’m exhausted.
Now what?	Now what?
Now what?	Now what?
Now what?	Now what?
“Are you still publishing my book?” [11]
	“Yes!”
“Have you changed your mind?” [12]
	“No!”
She has no idea. The insecurity, [13]
	The insecurity, [14]
the doubts,
	the doubts,
the anxieties, [15]
	the anxieties, [16]
the fearing-the-worst,	the fearing-the-worst. She has no idea.
the blood, the toil, the tears, the sweat, the fussing over every single word.
	If only we could drink during office hours. “Does anyone have any chocolate?” [17]
Will she see the Real Story, the big picture, the heart of the matter? [18]	Will I see the Real Story, the big picture, the heart
	of the author? [19]
	Will she trust me? [20] Why should she trust me?
Trust.	Trust.
Trust.	Trust.
[time passes]
	“Do you think you could create more of a narrative thread for the book, establish more connections between characters?”
Trussed.
“Do you remember when you asked me to do that, and I couldn’t stand it?” [21]
	Vaguely.
“As if it would be an easy thing to pull off.” [22]
	Rings faint bells.
“Hello?” “It’s me.” “I think I have the solution.”	“Hello?” “It’s you!”
	Homicide?
“It was easier for me to write several new monologues instead of trying to jam the existing ones all together into one story.” [23]
	Easier? She thinks that was easier?
“Do you want to see them?”
	“Of course!”
And then everything went terribly smoothly and happily after that. The end.
	The story does have a happy ending, but like a poorly edited novel, it took far too long to get there.
But we did. Get There, I mean. There is great! I’ll take There, any day.
“I wouldn’t say no to more Theres.”	“I am certain of more Theres.” But while we’re getting to more Theres, let’s agree to:
The finest chocolate, the best champagne, the most beautiful flowers.	the finest chocolate, the best champagne, the most beautiful flowers.
	More exquisite letters, please, and witty e-mails, and stories! More stories! Never enough stories! As many stories as possible, please. [24]
What else can I tell you about myself? Tufts of bear fur make me happy. Anything bear-related, actually. I have a thing for bears, you know.	I know.
I sometimes disagree with Candlewick about book covers and punctuation.
	I do, too.
You know that I swear?
	I do, too.
Even on holidays.
	Cussing was invented for holidays.
Did I mention the champagne?
	Several times. In fact, alcoholic themes crop up with surprising frequency in your correspondence. [25]
But it has to be good champagne.
	Of course.
Chocolate, too. Must be quality chocolate.
	Whenever possible.
“I trust you, in your profile of me, not to let slip how vain and obstinate and anxious I am [26] because that kind of thing really doesn’t make interesting reading. It’s much easier to read about entirely admirable people.	Interesting reading. Extraordinarily talented woman.
And you are not, of course, obliged to be entirely truthful.”	Entirely truthful.

Notes

1
Laura Amy Schlitz submitted her manuscript — at that time called A Clamor of Children — to Candlewick Press in 2000. Good Masters! Sweet Ladies! was published in 2007.   BACK

2 The author submitted her manuscript to publishers alphabetically, opting not to use the Reverse Sort function on her computer.   BACK

3 LAS: “Always lived in Baltimore, Maryland. Librarian. Spinster. Bourgeoise. Enjoy reading. I wish I had some splendidly picturesque thing I could tell you, but even the things that are really important to me aren’t very interesting. I’ve been to Venice four times — adore Venice, wrote an 800-page novel about Venice — but who doesn’t adore Venice? I sang the Sprechstimme in Pierrot Lunaire when I was in college — I did it without a score, even — but nobody knows what that is.” 3/12/08   BACK

4
Discovering a manuscript or an author is, more often than not, a combination of dumb luck and divine intervention, often having very little to do with an editor’s genius and foresight (or lack thereof).   BACK

5 Whether the editor was the beneficiary of luck and divine intervention or was possessed of genius and foresight is still the subject of intense debate. These two things are certain: the author is brilliant 100% of the time, and anyone would have to be asleep not to notice; the editor is a genius 99.99% of the time but in this case was merely divinely lucky to be conscious.   BACK

6 LAS: “The writer is at all times haunted by the twin demons of shame and fear.” 10/13/05   BACK

7
An editor is at all times hounded by the often-opposing considerations of critical and commercial success.   BACK

8 MLD: “Every time I read this, I get a thrill.” 2/21/01   BACK

9 Regarding the lack of commercial prospects for the book, the editor wrote to a colleague: “There is nothing like this on the market, and it is always an uphill battle to help folks understand something new and unusual. But once people open this up and hear these voices, I’m certain that it will stir excitement precisely because it is so unique and because it is so much fun!” 6/11/01   BACK

10
MLD: “The things that fuel my conviction are the quality of the material, the sharp wit and keen mind of the author, and a pioneering spirit!” 10/18/01   BACK

11 LAS’s exact words: “I haven’t heard from you in such a long time, am I to assume you no longer wish to publish my book?” (date withheld)   BACK

12 LAS’s words, paraphrased: “My mother wishes to know if she can expect to see my name on the cover of a book before she is dead.” (date withheld)   BACK

13
LAS: “Intelligent flattery is very good for artists; they metabolize it like turtles make sunshine into calcium for their shells; everyone knows that.” 5/30/01   BACK

14 One of an editor’s greatest fears is that she will, by her clumsy and misguided direction, disfigure what was already a thing of beauty.   BACK

15 LAS: “For me the work of writing is so grueling that judgmental criticisms cut like a whip. I can feel myself shrivel and flinch and grow small.” 10/13/05   BACK

16
Another of an editor’s greatest fears is that she will inadvertently crush the creator’s spirit and paralyze the pen.   BACK

17 A fixture of any serious writer’s desk or respectable children’s book publishing department is the candy bowl. Fine European chocolate is the preferred choice, but American chocolate made with real cocoa and real butter is also acceptable. In the absence of those, artificially flavored petroleum byproducts of unknown origin may suffice.   BACK

18 LAS: “For every book there’s the Real Story, and the writer is in love with the Real Story, and in pursuit of it. Lots of times the Real Story comes shrouded in a sort of fog, and the writer only catches glimpses of it — a hoof here, a pair of ears there — and has to piece it together as best she can. The Real Story is always more glorious, more fascinating, more radiant than what ends up on the page, and the writer knows this and is frustrated by it. But the writer wants to grapple with the Real Story anyway, and tell it to the Ideal Reader in the hopes that the Ideal Reader will love it, too. . . . The first task of the editor is to be clairvoyant enough to see the Real Story.” 10/13/05   BACK

19
An editor’s greatest hope is to live up to the task of being the writer’s Ideal Reader.   BACK

20 LAS: “The second task of the editor is to tell the writer truths that may be helpful without making the author want to curl up in a fetal position and die.” 10/13/05   BACK

21 LAS’s exact words: “It feels completely false to me and would entail disemboweling each of the individual monologues in order to insert something extraneous, something that doesn’t belong. I can‘t do this.” 7/23/01   BACK

22
LAS: “I’d end up with something like a cockatrice. Medieval cooks actually did take the trouble to sew a chicken to a pig and stuff it, but I don’t think anybody believed in the result . . . I haven’t spent the advance. I am willing to send it back to you.” 7/23/01   BACK

23 LAS: “Sometimes the editor honestly can’t see the Real Story, and then the editor has to trust that the writer does.” 10/13/05   BACK

24 Not just about Heinrich and Maud and Pask and the pantheon of memorable characters yet to be born of your imagination, but about your visit to Venice or to the home of Charles Dickens; about sorting pictures of pain relievers for a lady with a clipboard at the mall; about burying the garden shears when you were ten so that you wouldn’t have to trim the garden; about what life has been like ATN (After the Newbery) . . .   BACK

25
LAS: “Thank you for the kind words — they are even better than the champagne I drank Friday night.” 10/2/00

“As one who is still eating birthday cake, I can testify that champagne and chocolate go awfully well together.” 5/31/01

“I think you should edit my book at home. With a pair of really comfortable shoes (or maybe just socks) and the smell of coffee and breakfast toast in the air, you’re bound to be more broad-minded about tiny little errors in taste, grammar, et cetera. If you like, I’ll send you a bottle of something alcoholic, just to hone your editorial judgment to the utmost. Bourbon? Anise? Fra Angelico? Let me know.” 9/28/01

“Do you ever drink Spanish coffee? A good, hot strong cup of coffee, with generous shots of Grand Marnier and Kahlua, plus lashings of sweetened (but not too much) whipped cream, with freshly ground nutmeg on the top . . . they say it’s just the thing to drink while reading a manuscript. It provides editorial insights like nobody’s business.” 10/3/01   BACK

26 “I realized there’s a lot you don’t know about me. You know a lot about my insecurities and obstinacy and testiness, but you’re probably not going to put that in the profile (though you can if you want to; tell the truth and shame the devil) and the lot of my life is dull, dull, dull.” 3/12/08   BACK